Assunta Femia

Nearly thirty years ago, my then-wife and I took our baby H, just a few months old, to visit my friend M in the Haight, in San Francisco. We spent a few days exploring that historic neighborhood and the larger city. One evening, we planned to go out to a movie (A Dream of Passion, with Melina Mercouri and Ellen Burstyn), so we needed someone to stay with H. I wasn’t sure how we’d find someone near by, but M brought his friend Assunta over, who calmly assured us that he was prepared for and comfortable with the task.

I remember him as a slender man, dressed in a long, narrow skirt, with long, dark hair. He talked about his love of pumps and his experiences as a gay man in parochial schools. Somehow, he both charmed me and reassured me that H would be fine in his care. And it was so.

I sometimes return to that evening and think of how I came to trust this man, so different from me, so quickly, and for such an important duty. Beyond the recommendation of M, he manifested a courage and an integrity that I found immediately reassuring.

A couple of months ago, M told me that he had recently died and passed me a link to this obituary. Reading it, I see even more evidence for the trust that I placed in him that evening, long ago. Thanks, again, Assunta.

Everything's Ready To Go...

I'm basking in that moment, when everything is ready to go -- the winter's cache of branches and limbs torn out of the Douglas-firs next to our house have been hauled to the chipping pile, thanks to the thoughtfulness of our friend Ule, who called this morning offering to share his rental of a trailer and his help in loading and unloading; the house has been cleaned up: vacuumed, swept, tidied (and the other messes hidden away behind closed doors); the dog run and dried off; the groceries bought and put away; the planning and measuring and chopping for the meal completed; the table and sideboard decorated; and the double-shot of espresso just entering my brain -- for the final orchestration of the meal for our friends, who are coming over in about an hour. And I thought I'd take a moment to break a month's-long blog-break to memorialize that.